I’m In a “Situationship” With an Emotionally Unavailable Man. What Should I Do?
I’m In a “Situationship” With an Emotionally Unavailable Man. What Should I Do?
I’m in a “relationship” / “situationship” with an emotionally unavailable man who doesn’t want to commit fully but still there is a strong push and pull effect between us which has been going on for 2.5 years. He refuses to properly acknowledge that he is giving me mixed signals but also doesn’t want to really work on our “relationship” or improve it. So, I feel I’m always in limbo, but I also don’t want to lose him because I have true feelings for him. But he doesn’t treat me right and I know I should stop caring and not invest so much in him and this situation.

I understand this predicament and the push/pull dynamic you are in. It can be difficult to see clearly and we can care deeply for someone even though they can’t give us what we need.

You have good awareness of what’s going on and from your description of the situation, this person is not willing to commit fully and can’t show up the way you need them to.

Wanting consistent connection, affection, and attention is normal and important for any relationship to thrive. My sense is you have a big capacity for love and intimacy and are in a relationship with someone who is avoidant – who is either incapable of or not interested in receiving all that you have to offer.

You’re giving your power away and living in delusion thinking they will change. They have made themselves clear about where they stand.

Your best bet is to take your attention off completely, spend time learning your attachment style and forming a healthy relationship with yourself and then being discerning about who your next partner is. Someone secure that can handle the level of intimacy you really desire and who isn’t afraid of communicating openly.

That person is out there but you’re blocking them from coming in by holding onto this connection that you’ve admitted isn’t serving you.

I like to say “it has you until it has you”. My hope for you is that you wake up to your gifts and know that a healthy loving relationship is possible for you.

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