I am so sorry someone has made you feel this way. In a sense, you have been bereaved. A life you expected to have has suddenly "died" in front of you, with no explanation whatsoever. You need to give yourself time and space to go through the grieving process. There is no right or wrong amount of time to do this.
The easiest thing to do right now is blame yourself. It is a defense mechanism as it gives your subconscious brain an immediate explanation to what is happening, so thinks it is allieviating you from further stress - though this is so far from the truth!
You may never know why he left, but in all honesty, it probably has very little to do with you and a lot to do them. Maybe when you feel strong enough, try writing him a letter. Put all your thoughts, feelings, questions and emotions into one place. Try to frame it as "I feel..." rather than "You made me feel..." as it removes the focus from you and your healing. What you do with the letter is your choice. File it away, burn it or give it to him. Do what feels right to you.
During a pandemic, it has made it more difficult to connect with those you care about in a social or physical manner but it is really important that you reach out to them now. Spend time with them in a way that is compliant with your local social distancing guidelines, even if you feel like you want to hide away. If that social connection is going someway to help you heal but you feel like you need more, I strongly urge you to speak to a therapist.
Remember the things that you enjoyed. Whether this be something creative, reading, exercise, cooking - whatever it may be! Do things that make you feel good and surround yourself with positivity.
Things will slowly get better.
All my love,
Dr Elesha x
-Spend time with someone you love.
-Spend time doing something you love.
-Write yourself a letter of everything you are thinking and feeling, framing it with your own needs and emotions. You are the most important person here.