This is a great question and one that most of us have asked ourselves at some point.
You probably never thought that you would be here at this stage in your life without a partner or unmarried…you may have pictured yourself sharing a life with someone and maybe even having a family of your own. You’re not alone in this, I’ve been there myself.
I’ve been on my knees crying, feeling this emptiness and sadness that love was nowhere to be found. It wasn’t that I was unhappy with my life or that I was trying to fill a void with a man, it was that I knew I was ready to share my life with a wonderful man by my side and nothing was working. I was on all the dating apps I could find, experimented with my dating bio and my pictures, did everything that I could to make myself more attractive and tried to be the sweetest thing with men and nothing worked.
I was doing so much that dating became a chore for me and I was so exhausted from all that. I didn’t realise I was neglecting a major part of connecting with men. – The most important part, really.
I was using my masculine energy in my love life.
I was over-functioning and over-doing. I wanted to have full control over this area of my life and thought that I could control the process and find the right man and make it happen. And, this is not how love works. It especially doesn’t work if you want a masculine energy man who’s attracted to feminine energy (hint: that’s most men).
What’s really keeping you single and keeping a lot of women single is the need to control this area of our life. We want to control the men we date, the outcome and the flow of the relationship, but that’s not how you connect with a man. Men don’t fall in love with that energy.
If you want to find love and keep it, you must give up control – and, I know this might sound scary, but you’re paying a high price by trying to control something you never really have control over. It’ll feel like you’re going against yourself in the beginning but trust me, giving up control is the most freeing and loving act you can do for yourself. It frees you to love and be loved, and that’s worth it!
A big (perhaps the biggest!) part of The Dating Process is the step-by-step learning to trust the Process – and to trust yourself. You don’t control the dating process- and that’s okay. It’s actually great that you don’t because it’s quite stressful to try and control it anyway, so give in to the experience and enjoy the process. Go on dates with everyone who shows up, be curious and see where it takes you. You might be surprised! You never know what lies ahead, and giving up control will be a blessing for you and your love life.
If you want to ignite a fire in a man’s heart and connect with him on a deeper level, you must first get in touch with your feelings.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “men can’t handle emotions and they hate talking about feelings”, and I’m sure you have heard this too but the truth is that being in touch with your feelings and knowing how to express them to him is the very thing that will make you magnetic.
We’ve been taught to use our intellect and our body to attract men but men don’t fall in love because of your intellect or your body.
If that was true, all those beautiful talented women of Hollywood would be happily married with gorgeous men.
But they are not!
Men do have a hard time getting in touch with their feelings so you being able to go deep into your own feelings and fully experience them allows him to feel safe in your presence. Seeing you so open and vulnerable in front of him will allow him the space to do the same. This gets him to open up to you and makes you his dream woman.
I’ll give you these 3 exercises to help you connect with yourself so you can connect with him.
The first exercise is about feeling your feelings and it allows you to acknowledge them.
Exercise #1: Experience Your Feelings
Feeling our feelings is about quieting our mind and focusing on what’s going on inside.
- Stand up or sit up right
- Take a nice big breath
- You are the detective of your feelings. What are you feeling at this moment? your job here is not to judge anything that comes up. You are only observing and feeling what is coming up for you.
- With your right hand touch the area of your body that feels the emotion – is it sadness, joy, anger, calmness, guilt (don’t judge it, just feel it)
- Massage that part of your body and just feel the emotion
This second exercise is about dropping into your body and connecting with yourself.
Exercise #2: The Solo Dance: Your True Essence
Try this exercise in front of a mirror. Put on a song, whatever you are in the mood for at this moment. It can be a sensual, romantic, energetic or happy song.
Whatever you like as long as it makes you feel good.
- Imagine your guy is in front of you
- Feel your body, soften your shoulders, expand your butt and your vagina and now open your heart and take a nice big breath
- Move your hips from side to side
- Feel the music run through your body like electricity and let your body move to the beat
- Now look at him and smile
This last exercise is about letting go and connecting with the universe. Letting go of all expectations is key to allow love to blossom.
Exercise #3 Summer Breeze Exercise
Imagine the beach on a warm, sunny day.
The temperature is perfect.
You hear the ocean, you feel the breeze.
It’s fresh, it’s warm and is refreshing.
This air, this summer breeze is you.
Think of yourself as this breeze.
This is you in your feminine energy.
You are flowing in space, freely, not attached to anything or anyone but you are curious about it all.
You are curious about life and everything around you.
Feel how that feels. This is how you connect with the universe and it’s really how you can connect with the man you want.
Connecting with a man isn’t just something you do at the beginning, when you first meet him.
Connecting on a deep, emotional level is how a relationship goes from first date to forever, and from casual to devotion for life.
I look forward to hearing from you and learning more about your story and your successes.
By Lylian Toscano, Dating Coach