How Can I Date Men Without Giving Them an Impression that I’m ‘Easy’?
How Can I Date Men Without Giving Them an Impression that I’m ‘Easy’?
Q:
I’m 29, and I recently had penetrative sex (i.e. lost my virginity). I’ve been experimenting with sex, with protection of course. I feel like prior to this, I was a little more conservative about it and now, I’m in that ‘casual’ phase. I definitely want a long-term relationship, but I really want to have sex too!
A:

I’m glad to hear that you’re having healthy protected sex and are looking to enjoy a period of experimentation! Your question is a good one, one that sadly is more commonly raised by women! Did you know that research indicates that both women and men judge women more harshly if a woman is sexually liberal? The important thing to be aware of is that we cannot control the opinion of others.  Whilst I think women should be able to do whatever they please without judgment from others, it’s wise to be selective about who you will have sex with. Take time to get to know a person and only have sex with people who are meeting your standards. Remember if he’s having sex with you, he shouldn’t be judging you for it. If he is, consider moving on to someone who doesn’t have such an archaic double standard.

Tip One:

Know your motivation for having sex. Research shows that knowing your motivation, accepting your motivation and feeling it is the right thing to do makes your emotions after sex more positive. Ask yourself what your motivation is and what constitutes a “good enough reason” for you. Is it to connect and bond? Are you seeking validation or do you simply want to relieve sexual frustration?


Tip Two:

Get the latest information about STI’s and always be prepared. Whilst you might think carrying condoms make it look like you’re “easy” I would argue that it shows that you respect your body. If a man judges a woman for carrying condoms, or doesn’t want to wear a condom, this is massive red flag. Never feel pressured to follow through, it’s okay to change your mind.


Tip Three:

If in doubt, discuss it. Talking about sex increases sexual satisfaction. Those who do not discuss sex with their partners have less fulfilling sexual experiences. Contrary to popular opinion planning sex does not ruin sex or make it less exciting. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about sex, perhaps you should not be having sex with this person, wait a little longer.



By Abi Blears, Dating Coach


If you’re struggling with dating life, feel free to contact Abi via Instagram @abiblears.



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